Thanks to our presence on social media, we have been blessed to meet new friends. By sharing their story, they help us heal the world. We had a talk with Amanda, a brave, young woman who speaks up for all the children and the survivors.
When I was a kid, I was sexually abused by my dad. I don't know when it started but probably when I was a baby. I told my mum when I was 4.5 years old. My father was never sentenced when I was a kid, the case was not even raised in court. There was an expert psychologist that the Prosecutor brought in that noted that I had been abused, or rather, that I had sucked on my dad's dick. This I had also told the police, amongst many other things. My dad told them that it was me who was onto him and as there were no witnesses I became one in the dark statistics.
The statistics are devastating. Only around 4% of the notified sexual crimes against children lead to a conviction, most cases they are never even heard in court. In the case of my father, this meant that he was able to continue his lifestyle. He worked in a Judo club where he trained young girls. I know there are so many out there who have been abused by him and I’ve had contact with some of them.
Did you receive any support as a child?
I was lucky and got treatment for my traumas as a child. I went to both group therapy and individual therapy until I turned 18. Today, these resources are not available for young children.
Did you ever receive redress?
For 25 years I had to be silent about who abused me. Without a conviction I could have been convicted of slander. Yes, this is true that the victims can be convicted. For 25 years I lacked redress, something I should have already received as a child if our legal system would have listened to me. Today I can say that I have unfortunately received it. In 2015, my father was convicted for the sexual abuse he exposed me to as a child. He had then been arrested for sexually abusing my little sister. This is a sister I had never met, she is as old as my own daughter. The abuse was discovered for her at exactly the same age as for me. Prosecutors and lawyers said after the trials that it was the scariest thing they have ever seen. My police inquiries were still there, video interrogation. and when they looked at both mine and her questioning, it was like we were talking about exactly the same events ... he had also threatened her and me with exactly the same things. "If you tell this to someone, your mother will end up in prison" amongst other things. 25 years between, and exactly the same behavior. The same words. The same details. It was really scary.
I say I unfortunately received my redress now, because it came too late. If society had acted when I was a child, perhaps my little sister might not have been abused, and certainly not those who trained judo with him. At least, now he was sentenced to 4 years in prison, but he was released after 2.5 years.
what’s your biggest concern today?
My little sister never received any treatment or help as a child. I myself called a crisis and a trauma center so she could be helped, but they didn't want to receive her. We were told to wait until there were more visible symptoms and consequences like self-harm or suicidal behaviour. My sister was five years old and she didn’t get any help when it happened. Children need to process their traumas directly, not wait to develop symptoms. Sexual abuse is a trauma and without treatment it leads to long-term consequences, something that is much more difficult to treat later.
How are you doing today?
Today I feel good, thanks to me getting so much support. The abuse is of course always with me and I have chosen to dedicate my life to help others suffering.
What advice would you give to others?
To accept that during periods of your life you may feel a little worse and need help of people around you. This has been of great benefit to me. You can feel good again and you can heal but you must dare to ask for help, and you must be able to receive it. Dare to talk, dare to feel and finally dare to live and love yourself.
Thank you Amanda for your honesty, bravery, loving kindness and sharing your story with us.
You can express your gratitude and follow Amanda on Instagram @lillaamanda